Last night, as I was walking on the beach, I stopped and stood at the water’s edge, mesmerized by the waves crashing on the shore so systematically, never missing a beat. Some waves were strong, some were gentle, but the power of the ocean was overwhelming.
Over the past year, I’ve been on a journey of discovering God’s love. Although I have an incredible earthly dad, I’ve always had a hard time grasping God’s love for me - that not only does he love me unconditionally, but he’s actually in pursuit of my heart. I’ve seen so many women understand more of God’s love for them because of their relationships or marriages. But God has never given that to me, and I was tired of trying to figure out his love on my own. At the end of this school year, I began to weep before the Lord, begging that he would let me experience first hand the strength of his relentless pursuit of my heart. I wanted so badly to understand what it meant that the Lord was ravishingly in love with me. I knew I needed healing from past hurts and rejections. I knew a needed a flood of God’s love. But I didn’t know how to get it.
I embarked on a journey that I like to call “a pursuit of God’s pursuit of me.” Over the past year, the Lord has led me to places that have been outside my comfort zone. First, it was to be the chaplain of the track team. I didn't have a lot of experience with athletes and felt insufficient for the job. Next, I began leading worship at New Life Center. I had done my fair share of worship leading over the years, but I’d never been the worship leader of a church. After that it was a full time office job at ORU. I had phenomenal bosses, but there were days where I felt intimidated and under qualified, finding myself at meetings with people much more experienced than I was. Then the Lord led me to Mexico to study Spanish for 7 weeks. It was by far the scariest thing I’d ever done. I had no idea what to expect.
In every situation, I knew that the Lord had called, and he would therefore be faithful. I loved being the chaplain of the track team and couldn’t have asked for a better floor. New Life Center has allowed me to grow in worship more than any other experience and I adore my family of believers there. I learned so much about leadership and integrity as well as office skills while working at ORU. I’ve loved my time in Mexico so far. God’s provided so many great friends and given me a break from the constant business of life.
As I stood at the water’s edge, watching each wave crash on the shore, I thought about all of this, contemplating the intense love and faithfulness of God through every season of my life. I began to think about the lyrics of a song that has meant so much to me this summer, “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel. The bridge says, “You make me brave. You call me out beyond the shore into the waves…no fear can hinder now the Love that made a way.” As the waves crashed onto the shore, the water rushed over my feet. But as long as I stood there, I only knew what the water felt like on my feet. It wasn’t until I waded into the water and let the waves crash over me that I experienced the fullness of the power of the ocean. Throughout this journey, I’ve learned that God’s love is the same way. When I step outside of my comfort zone, into God’s perfect will, his love is so powerful, his faithfulness so abundant. God has been pursuing me by calling me into deeper waters, to places I would never have chosen to go, but in hindsight have always been exactly where I needed to be. The places that were the most intimidating to me are the places where I have discovered God’s love most fully.
His mercy is so powerful, his love so steadfast. I still don’t understand it. I think I’ll always be baffled that God so passionately loves someone as sinful as I am. But as I follow his leading, I’m discovering more and more of who He is and how deeply he cares for his children. There’s nothing like the love of God- so powerful, yet so tender, and more beautiful than anything the world could offer.
And to all my sisters looking for pursuit, ask the Lord. It doesn’t have to be from a guy. God desperately wants you to experience the overwhelming flood of his love. Step into deeper waters and trust him to reveal himself to you. He's in a relentless pursuit of your heart.
“As your love, in wave after wave, crashes over me…”
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23
